Saturday, October 9, 2010

Birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head, yeah, they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared... But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful.
Well, that's how i feel about you.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Very, very true observational humor

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all
I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can
tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly
involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you're wrong.  

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do
something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Monday, October 4, 2010

Sunday, October 3, 2010