Tuesday, December 25, 2012

fingers trace your every outline, paint a picture with my hands

Friday, December 21, 2012

shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma
as I laugh and dance and

Our guilt, our blame, I've been far too sympathetic.
Our blood, our fault, I've been far too sympathetic.

I am not innocent. 
You are not innocent.
No one is innocent. 
Happiness has a way of sneaking up on you, doesn't it?

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Pitesti is peaceful. And the company is lovely.

Breathe, you lucky bastard.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Idiotenia pare sa-si caute un salas preferential in genul feminin. Asta si dorinta de confirmare, de atentie. Mi s-a urat de toate aerele si iluziile de natura asta. Si de fatarnicie si egoism. Sincer, unele dintre voi tipele sunteti niste bijuterii. Dar multe dintre voi... sa zicem ca ma bucur ca m-am lepadat de ele.

Monday, December 17, 2012

featuring Radu :)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Saturday, December 15, 2012


my soul, my self esteem, one dollar at a time

Am un chef nebun fie sa bat pe cineva, fie sa fut pe cineva. Sau amandoua.

like, fuck yourself

Thursday, December 13, 2012


"wow, I don't remember you being this beautiful". that's what his eyes say

this always makes me giggle ;))

Mrs Fisher, you are beautiful.

noomi in Vogue has to be my new favorite whimsical thing

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Hey I was just a skinny lad never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery left alone with big fat fanny
She was such a naughty nanny hey big woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!
 big woman you made a bad boy out of me

Monday, December 10, 2012

I'm starting to realize that the good part about dating an actual woman is not the age, maturity or the awesome insanity. It's that she really knows what she wants and who she is. And she knows how to show it, and how to get it. And that's so fucking sexy.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

junk goes in, junk comes out
blood sugar sex  - no magic. where is my mind?

You could bite a bullet. Extinction would suit you. Total annihilation. That's a form of normality.
Gently fuck yourself, gently fuck off.
Or you could do it to me. Make me bite it. See if suits me. I've learned to live without normality. Gently, violently fuck me.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Too young to hold on, too old to just break free and run

Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying, "Maybe, you didn't know him at all,
you didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know"?

Don't you dare come to bed with that ambiguous look in your eye,
I'd sooner sleep by an open fire and wake up fried.

Say what you will, say what you mean oh,
You could never offend, your dirty words come out clean, clean

Thursday, December 6, 2012


I wrote you a poem.
I goes something like this:

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you.

begging for your demise

I've got some advice for you, little buddy. Before you point your finger you should know that I'm the man.
If I'm the fuckin' man then you're the fuckin' man as well so you can point that fuckin' finger up your ass.

A child's rhyme stuck in my head.
It said that life is but a dream.
I've spent so many years in question
to find I've known this all along.
"So deep inside, deeper than anyone else before"

"I'm pretty gross. When I talk I can be gross and crude."

Darling, go right ahead.

"CURSED, cursed creator! Why did I live? Why, in that instant, did I not extinguish the spark of existence which you had so wantonly bestowed? I know not; despair had not yet taken possession of me; my feelings were those of rage and revenge. I could with pleasure have destroyed the cottage and its inhabitants, and have glutted myself with their shrieks and misery." - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

Quite the fetching read if you get it in English!
"I had to meet her. The memory possessed and endowed me."

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

"Man has always been drawn to the sea. But it's an unnatural setting for us, a place of great danger. Tides, currents, waves, wind...each presenting their own hazards, none of which can be ignored. The slightest lapse of judgment can be a mistake you might never recover from. But a good sailor doesn't fight against these elements. A good sailor works with them, using them to his advantage. While others less fortunate might be forever cast adrift, often in several pieces, he always comes home safely."

Monday, December 3, 2012

scary, new, confusing but...
exciting. interesting.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

I'm working for myself now. I'm my own boss.

Upsides: I work for a percentage. A decent percentage, actually.
Downside: If I fuck up, I lose my percentage. Nobody else to cover my ass.
Upside to that: If I fuck up, at least I don't drag anyone else down with me.
Downside to that: Well, If I fuck up, it just means I'm a fuckup.

Friday, November 30, 2012

I'd blame it all on the booze and that would be so easy, but the fact of the matter is I'm the idiot.
I hate losing control yet I put myself up for it every single time I booze up my brain so much that the dark passenger takes control. Do I lose control to him? Or is that just a lie I use to separate myself from that asshole mask? All my efforts to be a better person, to make better choices go down the drain when I go this far down the rabbit hole. And then I make all these bad choices.

Which of course, I'd love to blame it on my "scumbag brain" on alcohol. That would be so easy. But I'm the one to blame. I'm that asshole just as much as I am the regular person trying to do his best. That darkness that comes out, the rudeness, the inappropriateness, they're all part of me and who I am just as much as the hopes, aspirations, dreams and kindness. And, well, that's...horrible. I'm undermining my own efforts, my own improvements. 

Someone said that forgiveness is earned by forgiving yourself first. Forgiving myself is a multiple step process, it seems. And every time I act like a fuck up, I push myself back a few steps on that path to forgiveness.

I'm a fucking fool. A senseless fool. A fucking buffoon and I do it all so knowingly. Nobody is to blame but me. Nobody should deal with my own fucked up self when I'm like this. Nobody deserves my own brand of twisted narcissism. 

A hug would be nice though.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down

My Dark Passenger

At this moment I can really identify with his entire speech. And it's kind of scary.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

you know what I really hate recently? the swirling dust-sparkle jet stream of important decisions that I have to make on really short terms.

Could I really leave everything behind and go for who knows how long?

It's all in the perspective of the future, really. I don't like thinking about the past, and I'm living a very fast present right now. I don't have the time to fall apart or to regret. But now I have to peek ahead and I really don't know. What if I'll ruin this too?
tu, manusile tale de lady gaga si intrebarile tale simpatice. d-aia o sa ma bucur cand ma intorc.

cause this was not your dream

300 kilometers away from home and once again I feel like a million actual miles from home and those I love.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

jesus won't you fucking whistle

Tool- You Lied with lyrics

Shouldn't you have said what you meant?


Friday, November 23, 2012

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

There is a special place in my personal hell reserved for those who have hurt me by lying to me, breaking my trust and hiding from me. A dark place.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

hardest word

On edge
In heels
No heart

Friday, November 16, 2012

People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well. That's my burden, I guess.  - Dexter Morgan
Weird gut feeling I should be somewhere.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.

Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.

Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.

Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

I embrace my desire to

feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.

oh god :))


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

id vs ego

sick sick sick

I like the cold. It makes me feel alive.

When we were together on that floor, staring up at the swirling cigarette smoke we both knew there were really more than just two people there. We knew who the third person was, even thought you wouldn't bring him up. And I wouldn't bring him up because I'm just a wedge and anything you said can and will be used against you.

When you asked me why I didn't take my jacket, I said it was because I've got nothing to hide. You laughed. But the truth is the cold makes me alive and the thing is, cold comes and goes but will always eventually come back.

I'm alive when I'm with you too. Maybe because I shouldn't, maybe because you shouldn't. But I hate and love the fact that you make me alive as much as I hate and love touching you. I was angry when I met you, I am angry still, isn't that how the song goes? You said it's okay. But you don't know that it is. 

I was drinking that night. I did what I did with you because I shouldn't have, because I was told I can't. I can't connect with you, I can't do what you want me to do and be what you want me to be. At his expense or at my expense.

I don't make promises I can't keep, and I definitely won't trust in your promises, and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I don't want to end up liking the way you make me feel alive, just so you could take it away. Because you're finicky, but what happens when you get what you want? I know what happens, you're not much different from all of them. You're all the same. You want to chase me because you can't have me. And I want you to stop chasing me because I want the choice of choosing you.

Does that make sense? In a Boris Vian-ish kinda way, it all made sense during those few cigarettes on that woolly rug. You weren't the vessel for my anger but you were the mirror. A gorgeous mirror, but the beauty is never in the mirror but in what it reflects. You see?
And with that Mark Renton had fallen in love.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

golden haired girl, the only thing I know is what I won't do
anytime anywhere

The Day The Earth Stopped Masturbating

Hop Hop Hop si-asa, sau cum nu ne putem feri sa furam orice


I know a secret, a dirty dirty secret >:).

Monday, November 12, 2012

Friday, November 9, 2012

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Connect The Dots Why Don't You

Hello there little human who at least in that sense are just like me!

I don't know who you are, reading these line right now. You could be a friend, relative, parent, stranger, lover, hater, enemy, but to me you're just human - like me.

Hey, I'm talking to you. Well, not talking, more like writing, and not *to* you, but for you. But pretend I'm staring into your soul for a second here and help me make a connection. Because that's what I'm trying to do.

I have to tell you a few things about me to help you connect the dots.

Your soul. I gaze at it from afar.

You only see sides of me, pieces of me that you use to piece together an image of who I am, what I feel, what I want, how I want it, when I am, how I am. But it's just a jumble. So here's a little quick tip sheet on how to deal with seeing these bits of pieces pour out of me.

If my opinions offend you, remember that they are nothing but opinions and in no way dictate your reality or re-shape the boundaries of your own beliefs or opinions any more than my choosing of vanilla or chocolate will somehow thrust vanilla onto your chocolate-hungry taste buds. Opinions are naught but essences of my ever changing state of mind, the fumes of boiling experience and experiment and I cling to them like a child clings to a lollipop as long as it has flavor and candy and interest and relevance.

If my happiness makes you happy, then you should be even happier that I'm happier that it truly does, and feel secure in the notion that my happiness can be somehow traced back to you through twisted, complex sociological little dots that connect the shapes and outlines of our every day lives - even if we've never met! if you're happy and you want me to know that, don't be afraid to do so. I'll let you know when I'm happy for you. And if I don't know you, rest easy - because if I did, i'd be happy just the same.

If my hobbies intrigue you, let that help you realize that my hobbies are just a stepping stone away from my opinions and they're things and stuff that I'm hanging onto because I'm fascinated by the shape of the stone. If you want to play in the mud, come on over.

Maybe it's getting a bit weird but I see you looking at me now.

If my hobbies make you angry or jealous, you have to ask yourself why you'd be jealous or angry over what I do as long as it holds no power over your own do's and dont's. Would you like me to share my lego's or sketches or dancing or make-believe or pie-baking with you to make you feel better? Or would you rather I stop? And if you chose the latter, why would you? We're all children inside and the only difference is we have bigger toys now but we're equally just as angry or upset or jealous if my tow-truck is bigger or yellower than yours or you think playing with dolls is stupid and it pisses you off that I still do it (not that I still do it, of course. that would be silly.)

If you see change in me, remember change is gradual. When I was little I used to pretend that I fit in the rules and structures of the big, adult world and now that I'm an adult I pretend that those rules and structures exist. Know that good parts stay inside us for longer and nasty yucky bits die out quicker and change is merely the roller coaster that shakes off the loose, rusty gnarly bits and keeps the strong, reliable, strapped-in things. And if those things that stay in the little crazy roller coaster cart aren't to your liking but you really want to like me always remember we can share the roller coaster cart, but if you still hate those things and don't like me then there's other carts in this world and remember there's nothing wrong with it.

If my happiness makes you angry, know that the anger you feel has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. But that won't stop me from inviting you to partake and share in my happiness even if you think I wouldn't let you or want you to or know you well enough to.

If my ideas upset you or offend you or make you feel cheated or imitated, and feel like I'm disrespecting your ideas and words, then now that you are the one disrespecting your ideas and words. Ideas are just words and words are the instruments that you play to the song of your ideas, and you're just playing covers. So is everyone else. You gotta pick the ones that make your tongue dance, and ideas that make your mind dance, and it's easier said than done and you have to remember we're all alike, you and I. If they're really your ideas to being with I can't really steal them and if I've imitated you think of it as an awesome, awesome compliment.

If you like me, then I probably like you too since we have that in common. If you don't like me, there's still a chance that just because you don't, doesn't mean I don't like you either.

If I've hurt or offended you, give me the chance to make it up to you. If I've hurt and offended you and you don't want me to make it up to you, make it up to yourself. Why would you want to hold that hurt close to your heart and let it dig deep roots, because I like to think you wouldn't poison yourself with apple seeds so why would you poison yourself with bad bad emotions. If you still feel there's nothing I can do or nothing you want me to do then look deep into yourself and think really hard why you're like that and maybe realize just being angry at me for it has nothing to do with what I did but with who you are.

Alright by now you can probably handle the soul piercing yourself.

If you like me, I am grateful and flattered. If you don't like me, don't hate me or yourself for it. But remember that just because you like me doesn't mean you have to love me, and just because you don't like me doesn't mean you have to hate me.

If you find me calling you an idiot directly or indirectly for enjoying something that I don't enjoy, remember it says nothing about who you are and everything about me: I'm being a negative douche. Maybe it's a club I don't belong to or maybe I want everyone to join my club where I know how things work and I have control. Maybe there's that difference between liking something because you want to be liked and liking something just to feel what it's like to like at work here, but if I do step on your toes remember your toes are fine, my eyes are wrong.

If you say that it's you not me, let it sink in how much of an understatement that is and how correct it is at the same time but the me in me still thinks that it's me. The you in you can't see the you and me and you're damn fucking right it's not my problem that you can't see I'm amazing and awesome. Haha, but no really, it's you not me.

But that's enough for now. If reading this made you smile, then I'm happy, if it confused you, I'm sorry, if it upset you, I apologize but in the end who reads the manual anyway?

Karma Is A Bitch...A Sexy Bitch!


Look at that. How To Web's innovation award, mine for the taking.

It supports my team. I supports my product. It supports our combined efforts. Some say good deeds come to those who do good, kindness comes when kindness is given, togetherness comes when togetherness is given, support comes when support is given. That is the ideea behind Karma.

And what do you know... karma works!

The innovation prize is my team's success, and that means it's my success as well. I believe we've all fucking earned it.

I believe I fucking earned it.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

found this today on 9gag

Today is the day I stop being selfish.

I will no longer try to control other people's lives, and I will let go of any bitterness and just let them be. They deserve that from me, and I should let them be who they are. I will be accepting of differences, for they add color and variety to our lives. If everyone is the same, life is bland and monotonous. I have already taken major steps towards letting go of my need to control or influence other people's lives, and I hope the future will bring even more improvements.

I will accept the things I can't change, and that includes people. But If I want to change myself and I can, I will do it.

I will let go of people who are holding me down. I've held some people down, some of them whom I claimed to love more than anything, and I know know that they, and I, deserve support and understanding, not crippling attachment.

I will no longer deceive myself, and I will no longer play games with myself. I will tell the truth even if it hurts me. I will never use the truth as a tool to hurt others. I will care more about the truth than my image. I will be candid, frank, outspoken and earnest. I will no longer need censor myself because I'm afraid of what others may think.

I will constantly improve myself, both physically and mentally. I have allowed myself in the past year to become monotonous, to stop learning new things or following my goals. I am committed to growth, because the more I grow, the better I become.

I will welcome any opportunity to make amends whenever it's asked of me, and I will do my best to offer to make amends and extend apologies whenever I feel it's needed and whenever I feel I've wronged someone.

I will stop projecting my weakness onto others.

I will stop whenever I'm out of control. That means that I must have the courage to sense when I'm losing grip and be a man, and regain control of myself. I will never let lousy emotions justify lousy behavior.

Forgiveness - I will forgive those who have offended me, and I will ask forgiveness from those I've offended and hurt. I will thank those that helped me, even if they never thank me.

I will let go of selfishness by loving others as much as I love myself. I will let go of anger and stop using it as an excuse to bee angry towards others, or act poorly. I will give up something I love, be it money or time, to help out someone in need. I am now going to be altruistic, truly,  and always act when I have nothing but the best intentions, and will strive to go for the highest good in what I do. I will pay attention to those who need it and give them my full attention whenever I can.

I will always care about people more than I care about things. The things won't care back one way or the other, but people might. I pray for the desire and strength and stamina to live a kind, compassionate, loving, courageous life.

I will be a better friend to my friends. I will be there for them through thick and thin. I will be a better sibling, and I will strive to be a better partner when I'm attached.
I will be caring and considerate. I will show concern when I mean it, I will not wait for a cry for help before I show my care and concern. Even if there's nothing wrong, I know the value and warmth you feel when you know someone cares. I will be considerate and thoughtful and and consider others in my decisions and actions, and will show the same treatment and respect I'd like to see being thrown at me.

I will be adventurous, I will step outside my comfort zone and avoid my routines. I will stop hiding behind safety nets and do things I've never done before. I will be bold and act on my instinct.

I will be assertive. I will stand up for what I believe in, for my rights, for my feelings.

I will be grateful. I will open myself up to being grateful and saying thank you, and welcome the abundance of joy it brings.

And most of all, I want to apologize. I feel how empty and meaningless any words of mine may be to  try to assuage the anguish, remorse, hatred and blame I've already caused, and I know how powerless myself and others are to change what has already been done, and I know how difficult it is to relieve or reduce the pain, suffering and anger I have caused through my selfishness. But I feel there is some comfort in the knowledge there are very few wrongs that can't be set right and that it is never truly too late to apologize, and to try to make up for the wrong I've done by being a better man in the future. And that is a promise.

Thursday, November 1, 2012


I find it hard looking at this blank piece of virtual paper and finding a way to say this.
But you gotta start somewhere.

Today I realized one of the best feelings in the world is helping others - like, really really connecting. To people who you didn't have much to bond on, didn't have that familiarity they need (and you need) to open up to you and pour out their problems.

But I knew they had problems. We all do, we all have those things deep inside us, the doubt, the fear, the resentment, the guilt - things that eat away at who we are. 

But those things don't define us. We are all people - me and them, we are alike. We hurt, we bleed, we cry, we laugh, we rejoice. We connect. We share.

I shared such a beautiful moment. I opened up to people I never knew I could open up to, I spoke to them and even though they still felt the distance that we couldn't wipe away. But I didn't open up to them so I could share. I didn't ask them to tell me their problems. What I taught them was the fact that our problems do not define us - they are simply a matter of perspective.

So, respecting their privacy, we played a game. We kept our problems a secret and we turned them into something beautiful. We took fear, hate, anger, depression and loneliness and we crafted it into something that no longer threatens us.

At that moment, I could see the look in their eyes and I knew deep inside, they were thinking about their issues, but this new perspective helped them. It was so genuine and beautiful that I feel privileged to have cracked open a new perspective.

We are bigger than our problems, we are bigger than we know. We're amazing and awesome and turning bad into good, venom into honey is the best feeling in the world.

I believe I've waited long enough

"I'm scared. I'm scared that my abilities are gone. I'm scared that I'm going to fuck this up, and I'm scared of you.  
I don't wanna' start, but I will.
This is an invocation for anyone who hasn't begun, whose stuck in a terrible place between 0 and 1.
Let me realize that my past failures that follow through are no indication of my future performance, their just healthy little fires that are gonna' warm up my ass.
If my FILDI is strong let me keep him in a velvet box until I really really need him.
If my FILDI is weak let me feed him oranges and not let him gorge himself on ego and arrogance.
Let me not hit up my Facebook like it's a crack-pipe, keep the browser closed.
If I catch myself wearing a tutu (too), too fat too late too old, let me shake it off like a donkey would shake off something it doesn't like.
When I get that feeling in my stomach, you know that feeling when all the sudden you get a ball of energy and it shoots down into your legs and up into your arms and tells you to stand up and goto the refrigerator and get a cheese sandwich - that's my cheese monster talking. And my cheese monster will never be satisfied with cheddar, only the cheese of accomplishment.
Let me think about the people that I care about the most. And how when they fail or disappoint me I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them - let me extend that generosity to myself.
Let me find and use metaphors to help me understand the world around me, and give me the strength to get rid of them when it's apparent that they no longer work.
Let me thank the parts of me that I don't understand or are outside of my control, like my creativity and my courage.
Let me remember that my courage is a wild dog, it won't just come when I call it. I have to chase it down and hold on as tight as I can.
Let me not be so vain to think that I am the sole author of my victories, and a victim of my defeats.
Let me remember that the unintended meaning that people project on what I do is neither my fault, nor something that I can take credit for.
Perfectionism may look good in his shiny shoes, but he's a little bit of an asshole and nobody invites him to their pool parties.
Let me remember that the impact of criticism is often not the intent of the critic, but when the intent is evil that's what the block button is for.
And when I eat my critique, let me be able to separate out the good advice from the bitter herbs.
Let me not think of my work only as a stepping stone to something else, and if it is let me become fascinated by the shape of the stone.
Let me take the idea that has gotten me this far, and put it to bed. What I'm about to do will not be that. But it will be something.
There's no need to sharpen my pencils anymore, my pencils are sharp enough - even the dull ones will make a mark. Warts and all.
Let's start this shit up.
And god let me enjoy this, life isn't just a sequence of waiting for things to be done."
Ze told me this today.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Monday, October 29, 2012

Sunday, October 7, 2012

The greatest personal and career victories are meant to be shared with those closest to you. It's a pity when they abandon and discard you just when you need them to be there most.

Friday, October 5, 2012

What is the INFP personality type?


reative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can't control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Good relationships aren't made by people trying to give the least and receive the most, or people trying to see who's got the bigger balls or the bigger pride.

They're made by people who are willing to give even if some of that giving goes against their nature. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I'm happy to give what others want. If others would rather play chicken, or take the giving and offer nothing in return, they're not pursuing their happiness. Or the happiness of their loved one. They're just working on pride, and on taking. I don't like that. I'm trying my best to give. But I won't stay for those who can't give as well.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

It's not always easy to be a good person, to be strong, or mature, but you get credit for trying.

I've always known I'm not perfect, and yet I've always had faith in myself and my abilities.

Maybe the past years have made me realize sometimes pride has nothing to do with being a better person to others. It's been difficult to see my faults, it's been difficult to realize what hurts people and what helps them, but I think I have a better grasp of the situation now.

I'm not a perfect person, I'm not a perfect friend, I'm not a perfect boyfriend. Lord knows I'm not, even though I don't like to admit it. But sometimes, in order to make others happy, you have to give them what they want, even if you don't like it, even if it's not what you want. 

It should be all about giving, and forgiving. And that's the hardest part: letting others have what they want, letting go of your need to control, of your need to question. I'm proud to live and let live, I'm proud of the changes I'm making and I'm happy to give a little more so that others can have their way.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is or can be perfect. It's just realizing that there are imperfections, but you're just willing to look beyond them. And understand, and be patient. To my surprise, it works. I'm at peace, I'm happy, I feel less demanding, less taxing. I don't feel any need to encroach, to question.

I'm just happy to set aside my ego or jealousy, to let those I care for do what they want, get what they need, when they need it, for however long they need it. It doesn't hurt to give, and the giving stops when it does start to hurt. But so far, it's good. I don't feel the need to complain, to demand anything. 

There's that tiny bit of ego in all of us. Some foster it, some shun it. But we all have an ego, we all give in to our selfish streak. But most important of all is to learn from those opportunities. I've learned to make others smile more. Learned to tell people that I love them.

I've learned to tell those that I love that I'm grateful they're a part of my life. I've learned to talk less and listen more (I think I sucked at this one for a long time). I've learned to complain less and appreciate more.

And most of all, I've learned to expect less and enjoy more!

But I need you to know, that

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Friday, September 14, 2012

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Friday, August 10, 2012

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Monday, August 6, 2012

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Friday, August 3, 2012

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Friday, June 8, 2012

THOUGHTBOX: Nicusor Dan - O falsa promisiune

THOUGHTBOX: Nicusor Dan - O falsa promisiune: Nicusor Dan e un fenomen interesant. Este un surfer al valului numit “trend”, un candidat care mizeaza pe romantismul independentei p...

Guilty of Upton fever

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Friday, May 18, 2012

Jim Jefferies - Foreplay - some parts are awesome!

Brilliant, couldn't agree more.
anger is weakness, patience is strength

try not to give advice you cant follow 

art is the image of life, its purpose simply to enhance it

being nice is most important when others are not

drunkeness is cowardice, sobriety is loneliness

people dont want to be greedy, they want to be happy but they re often too greedy to notice

talk about those absent as if they were listening in

unlocking lifes mysteries is the responsibility of dissatisfied people

sin is honoring desire above what you know is right

every positive action has a reward

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Friday, April 20, 2012

Thursday, April 19, 2012

How can this mean anything to me If I really don't feel a thing at all?

Neil DeGrasse Tyson's Most Astounding Fact

The most astounding fact is the knowledge that the atoms that comprise life on Earth the atoms that make up the human body are traceable to the crucibles that cooked light elements into heavy elements in their core under extreme temperatures and pressures. These stars, the high mass ones among them went unstable in their later years they collapsed and then exploded scattering their enriched guts across the galaxy guts made of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and all the fundamental ingredients of life itself. These ingredients become part of gas cloud that condense, collapse, form the next generation of solar systems stars with orbiting planets, and those planets now have the ingredients for life itself. So that when I look up at the night sky and I know that yes, we are part of this universe, we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts is that the Universe is in us. When I reflect on that fact, I look up – many people feel small because they’re small and the Universe is big – but I feel big, because my atoms came from those stars. There’s a level of connectivity. That’s really what you want in life, you want to feel connected, you want to feel relevant you want to feel like a participant in the goings on of activities and events around you That’s precisely what we are, just by being alive…

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I want to free fall, out into nothing, I wanna leave this world, this world for a while...

Friday, April 13, 2012

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Drifter's Tale - A Drink

The saloon door creaked loud enough to give the patrons pause. The stranger in the doorframe was backlit by the afternoon sun, and he appeared as a robed, dark figure, standing in the doorway, scanning the interior of the inn.

Finally, he started pacing slowly towards the innkeeper. The door creaked back and forth a few times behind him, before finally resting in its place. The dim light inside cast shadows on the stranger’s long coat, his face masked by the oversized hood, as he slowly and deliberately sat down at the end of the bar. He leaned his bundle of spears against the dirty wooden counter, and proceeded to light a long stem wooden pipe. He looked like a raggedy wanderer, with long white hair that clumped up in thick strands here and there. There was a long, ungroomed white beard flowing from under his concealing hood, and the man’s thick eyebrows caught the flicker of the pipe whenever he inhaled.

The man took his time to look around the Inn. There was nothing cheerful about it. Most patrons drank quietly alone or in the company of sultry looking friends. There was something more all of them had in common: they were all studying the pipe-smoking stranger, especially when they thought he wasn’t looking.

But he was looking. He could sense their fear, their desperation, their curiosity. The stranger beared no semblance to the peat miners in the village, and he knew they did not take kindly to strangers.
The inn keeper approached warily.
“C-can I get you anything sir?”
The stranger peered at the inn keeper through the smoky haze inside the inn. He smiled as he leaned forward, grabbed the man’s collar slowly and deliberately and whispered in his ear.
“You’ve done well, Morrissey.”

The innkeeper was surprised to see the stranger motion for his pockets. He expected the man to produce a dagger or some other implement of death. What he did not expect was the man taking out a silver drake and putting it in the innkeeper’s hand.
“M-Master Drake?” the innkeeper breathed a sigh of relief. “You scared the living Ayemar out of me-”
“Shhh, Morrissey. Don’t blow my cover” the half elf snarled. Then he leaned back and smiled. He’d always had a firm grasp of illusion enchantments. His disguises had fooled people much more observant than the old bartender.
“You were right”, the half elf continued. “Bailey took the bait. I ran into him in the woods the other day. Well done.”
“You’re too kind, sir” the keeper smiled. Drifter knew the innkeeper and all these peat miners hated thugs and highwaymen just as much as he did. Yet given his previous misadventures, it wasn’t safe to enter the village undisguised. He could trust the bartender to keep a secret, still. Nothing good old silver and gold can’t do for you.
“Does that settle your debt with those hoodlums then?” Morrissey inquired.
“Hmm. Not yet. Reinauld is still out there somewhere, and I’ll find him.”
“You know”, the innkeeper said leaning closer to the half elf, “folks around here said a merry band of wildmen left for Port Sulpice a couple of days ago. Could’ve been him in that pack, I reckon”, the man continued while leaning back and picking up a pewter mug. He poured wine from a jug he’d stashed behind the counter.

It was definitely the good stuff - sweet Bermelle Red. And Drifter had exactly the right thing to go with it - Bermelle Leaf, the finest pipe weed this side of the Sea.

It was only after the 7th or so mug that he began to realize the wine was too good.

Drifter was in the wrong place to get drunk. Yet there he was, struggling to see through the liquory haze. He could hear laughing behind him. The patrons had become oblivious to the stranger, apparently. Drifter hadn’t killed anyone since he arrived, true enough, and that was all these simple folk needed to unwind. He tried to shift his weight on the stool. His motions were slow, clumsy. Did the wine do this to him? No, it couldn’t have... It wasn’t the first time he drank this much in one sitting. 

Was there something in the wine?

Had the barkeep drugged him?

Drifter looked around. He couldn’t see Morrissey anywhere. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen him ever since he have Drifter the jug. Where was he?
Was everyone laughing at Drifter? Is that why they were so jolly? Maybe they knew he was drugged. Maybe they knew they were safe.

“Keep yourself together” he told himself. He reached for his spears discreetly - good, they were still there. “I need a plan. I can’t panic.”
He could just get up and walk away like nothing happened. “But something has happened”, he admonished himself. “I can’t bluff my way through this. Or can I?”
Well, there was no time to waste. If indeed he had been poisoned, waiting any longer wasn’t going to help him.

Everything in his body told him getting up had been a bad idea. The room was spinning now, but he tried as hard as he could to fake it. He needed to regain composure, and fast - he reached for his spears and flung them on his back with deliberation, trying as hard as he could to appear uncaring and undisturbed.

His disguise! Only now did he realize that he lacked the beard or the white flowing locks he’d displayed when he first arrived at the inn. How long had he been here? It should have lasted him at least an hour, but judging by the fading light outside, he could clearly see now that he’d overstayed his welcome.

“You don’t look so good, pal.”
There was a man blocking his way out of the Inn. It was a tall peat miner brandishing a large metal tankard, and sporting a surprisingly smug grin.
“Had a little too much to drink, eh buddy?” the man laughed. His question was met with laughter from most of the other patrons. So maybe they had set him up after all.
“Out of my way, you blundering idiot!” Drifter managed to mumble. He’d no sooner said it than realized he couldn’t fake being coherent at all. “Guess I can’t talk or bluff my way out of this”, he realized.

And by the way they looked at him, he knew he was cornered.