Friday, November 9, 2012

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Connect The Dots Why Don't You

Hello there little human who at least in that sense are just like me!

I don't know who you are, reading these line right now. You could be a friend, relative, parent, stranger, lover, hater, enemy, but to me you're just human - like me.

Hey, I'm talking to you. Well, not talking, more like writing, and not *to* you, but for you. But pretend I'm staring into your soul for a second here and help me make a connection. Because that's what I'm trying to do.

I have to tell you a few things about me to help you connect the dots.

Your soul. I gaze at it from afar.

You only see sides of me, pieces of me that you use to piece together an image of who I am, what I feel, what I want, how I want it, when I am, how I am. But it's just a jumble. So here's a little quick tip sheet on how to deal with seeing these bits of pieces pour out of me.

If my opinions offend you, remember that they are nothing but opinions and in no way dictate your reality or re-shape the boundaries of your own beliefs or opinions any more than my choosing of vanilla or chocolate will somehow thrust vanilla onto your chocolate-hungry taste buds. Opinions are naught but essences of my ever changing state of mind, the fumes of boiling experience and experiment and I cling to them like a child clings to a lollipop as long as it has flavor and candy and interest and relevance.

If my happiness makes you happy, then you should be even happier that I'm happier that it truly does, and feel secure in the notion that my happiness can be somehow traced back to you through twisted, complex sociological little dots that connect the shapes and outlines of our every day lives - even if we've never met! if you're happy and you want me to know that, don't be afraid to do so. I'll let you know when I'm happy for you. And if I don't know you, rest easy - because if I did, i'd be happy just the same.

If my hobbies intrigue you, let that help you realize that my hobbies are just a stepping stone away from my opinions and they're things and stuff that I'm hanging onto because I'm fascinated by the shape of the stone. If you want to play in the mud, come on over.

Maybe it's getting a bit weird but I see you looking at me now.

If my hobbies make you angry or jealous, you have to ask yourself why you'd be jealous or angry over what I do as long as it holds no power over your own do's and dont's. Would you like me to share my lego's or sketches or dancing or make-believe or pie-baking with you to make you feel better? Or would you rather I stop? And if you chose the latter, why would you? We're all children inside and the only difference is we have bigger toys now but we're equally just as angry or upset or jealous if my tow-truck is bigger or yellower than yours or you think playing with dolls is stupid and it pisses you off that I still do it (not that I still do it, of course. that would be silly.)

If you see change in me, remember change is gradual. When I was little I used to pretend that I fit in the rules and structures of the big, adult world and now that I'm an adult I pretend that those rules and structures exist. Know that good parts stay inside us for longer and nasty yucky bits die out quicker and change is merely the roller coaster that shakes off the loose, rusty gnarly bits and keeps the strong, reliable, strapped-in things. And if those things that stay in the little crazy roller coaster cart aren't to your liking but you really want to like me always remember we can share the roller coaster cart, but if you still hate those things and don't like me then there's other carts in this world and remember there's nothing wrong with it.

If my happiness makes you angry, know that the anger you feel has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. But that won't stop me from inviting you to partake and share in my happiness even if you think I wouldn't let you or want you to or know you well enough to.

If my ideas upset you or offend you or make you feel cheated or imitated, and feel like I'm disrespecting your ideas and words, then now that you are the one disrespecting your ideas and words. Ideas are just words and words are the instruments that you play to the song of your ideas, and you're just playing covers. So is everyone else. You gotta pick the ones that make your tongue dance, and ideas that make your mind dance, and it's easier said than done and you have to remember we're all alike, you and I. If they're really your ideas to being with I can't really steal them and if I've imitated you think of it as an awesome, awesome compliment.

If you like me, then I probably like you too since we have that in common. If you don't like me, there's still a chance that just because you don't, doesn't mean I don't like you either.

If I've hurt or offended you, give me the chance to make it up to you. If I've hurt and offended you and you don't want me to make it up to you, make it up to yourself. Why would you want to hold that hurt close to your heart and let it dig deep roots, because I like to think you wouldn't poison yourself with apple seeds so why would you poison yourself with bad bad emotions. If you still feel there's nothing I can do or nothing you want me to do then look deep into yourself and think really hard why you're like that and maybe realize just being angry at me for it has nothing to do with what I did but with who you are.

Alright by now you can probably handle the soul piercing yourself.

If you like me, I am grateful and flattered. If you don't like me, don't hate me or yourself for it. But remember that just because you like me doesn't mean you have to love me, and just because you don't like me doesn't mean you have to hate me.

If you find me calling you an idiot directly or indirectly for enjoying something that I don't enjoy, remember it says nothing about who you are and everything about me: I'm being a negative douche. Maybe it's a club I don't belong to or maybe I want everyone to join my club where I know how things work and I have control. Maybe there's that difference between liking something because you want to be liked and liking something just to feel what it's like to like at work here, but if I do step on your toes remember your toes are fine, my eyes are wrong.

If you say that it's you not me, let it sink in how much of an understatement that is and how correct it is at the same time but the me in me still thinks that it's me. The you in you can't see the you and me and you're damn fucking right it's not my problem that you can't see I'm amazing and awesome. Haha, but no really, it's you not me.

But that's enough for now. If reading this made you smile, then I'm happy, if it confused you, I'm sorry, if it upset you, I apologize but in the end who reads the manual anyway?

Karma Is A Bitch...A Sexy Bitch!


Look at that. How To Web's innovation award, mine for the taking.

It supports my team. I supports my product. It supports our combined efforts. Some say good deeds come to those who do good, kindness comes when kindness is given, togetherness comes when togetherness is given, support comes when support is given. That is the ideea behind Karma.

And what do you know... karma works!

The innovation prize is my team's success, and that means it's my success as well. I believe we've all fucking earned it.

I believe I fucking earned it.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

found this today on 9gag

Today is the day I stop being selfish.

I will no longer try to control other people's lives, and I will let go of any bitterness and just let them be. They deserve that from me, and I should let them be who they are. I will be accepting of differences, for they add color and variety to our lives. If everyone is the same, life is bland and monotonous. I have already taken major steps towards letting go of my need to control or influence other people's lives, and I hope the future will bring even more improvements.

I will accept the things I can't change, and that includes people. But If I want to change myself and I can, I will do it.

I will let go of people who are holding me down. I've held some people down, some of them whom I claimed to love more than anything, and I know know that they, and I, deserve support and understanding, not crippling attachment.

I will no longer deceive myself, and I will no longer play games with myself. I will tell the truth even if it hurts me. I will never use the truth as a tool to hurt others. I will care more about the truth than my image. I will be candid, frank, outspoken and earnest. I will no longer need censor myself because I'm afraid of what others may think.

I will constantly improve myself, both physically and mentally. I have allowed myself in the past year to become monotonous, to stop learning new things or following my goals. I am committed to growth, because the more I grow, the better I become.

I will welcome any opportunity to make amends whenever it's asked of me, and I will do my best to offer to make amends and extend apologies whenever I feel it's needed and whenever I feel I've wronged someone.

I will stop projecting my weakness onto others.

I will stop whenever I'm out of control. That means that I must have the courage to sense when I'm losing grip and be a man, and regain control of myself. I will never let lousy emotions justify lousy behavior.

Forgiveness - I will forgive those who have offended me, and I will ask forgiveness from those I've offended and hurt. I will thank those that helped me, even if they never thank me.

I will let go of selfishness by loving others as much as I love myself. I will let go of anger and stop using it as an excuse to bee angry towards others, or act poorly. I will give up something I love, be it money or time, to help out someone in need. I am now going to be altruistic, truly,  and always act when I have nothing but the best intentions, and will strive to go for the highest good in what I do. I will pay attention to those who need it and give them my full attention whenever I can.

I will always care about people more than I care about things. The things won't care back one way or the other, but people might. I pray for the desire and strength and stamina to live a kind, compassionate, loving, courageous life.

I will be a better friend to my friends. I will be there for them through thick and thin. I will be a better sibling, and I will strive to be a better partner when I'm attached.
I will be caring and considerate. I will show concern when I mean it, I will not wait for a cry for help before I show my care and concern. Even if there's nothing wrong, I know the value and warmth you feel when you know someone cares. I will be considerate and thoughtful and and consider others in my decisions and actions, and will show the same treatment and respect I'd like to see being thrown at me.

I will be adventurous, I will step outside my comfort zone and avoid my routines. I will stop hiding behind safety nets and do things I've never done before. I will be bold and act on my instinct.

I will be assertive. I will stand up for what I believe in, for my rights, for my feelings.

I will be grateful. I will open myself up to being grateful and saying thank you, and welcome the abundance of joy it brings.

And most of all, I want to apologize. I feel how empty and meaningless any words of mine may be to  try to assuage the anguish, remorse, hatred and blame I've already caused, and I know how powerless myself and others are to change what has already been done, and I know how difficult it is to relieve or reduce the pain, suffering and anger I have caused through my selfishness. But I feel there is some comfort in the knowledge there are very few wrongs that can't be set right and that it is never truly too late to apologize, and to try to make up for the wrong I've done by being a better man in the future. And that is a promise.