Monday, September 17, 2012

Good relationships aren't made by people trying to give the least and receive the most, or people trying to see who's got the bigger balls or the bigger pride.

They're made by people who are willing to give even if some of that giving goes against their nature. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I'm happy to give what others want. If others would rather play chicken, or take the giving and offer nothing in return, they're not pursuing their happiness. Or the happiness of their loved one. They're just working on pride, and on taking. I don't like that. I'm trying my best to give. But I won't stay for those who can't give as well.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

It's not always easy to be a good person, to be strong, or mature, but you get credit for trying.

I've always known I'm not perfect, and yet I've always had faith in myself and my abilities.

Maybe the past years have made me realize sometimes pride has nothing to do with being a better person to others. It's been difficult to see my faults, it's been difficult to realize what hurts people and what helps them, but I think I have a better grasp of the situation now.

I'm not a perfect person, I'm not a perfect friend, I'm not a perfect boyfriend. Lord knows I'm not, even though I don't like to admit it. But sometimes, in order to make others happy, you have to give them what they want, even if you don't like it, even if it's not what you want. 

It should be all about giving, and forgiving. And that's the hardest part: letting others have what they want, letting go of your need to control, of your need to question. I'm proud to live and let live, I'm proud of the changes I'm making and I'm happy to give a little more so that others can have their way.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is or can be perfect. It's just realizing that there are imperfections, but you're just willing to look beyond them. And understand, and be patient. To my surprise, it works. I'm at peace, I'm happy, I feel less demanding, less taxing. I don't feel any need to encroach, to question.

I'm just happy to set aside my ego or jealousy, to let those I care for do what they want, get what they need, when they need it, for however long they need it. It doesn't hurt to give, and the giving stops when it does start to hurt. But so far, it's good. I don't feel the need to complain, to demand anything. 

There's that tiny bit of ego in all of us. Some foster it, some shun it. But we all have an ego, we all give in to our selfish streak. But most important of all is to learn from those opportunities. I've learned to make others smile more. Learned to tell people that I love them.

I've learned to tell those that I love that I'm grateful they're a part of my life. I've learned to talk less and listen more (I think I sucked at this one for a long time). I've learned to complain less and appreciate more.

And most of all, I've learned to expect less and enjoy more!

But I need you to know, that