My love alone is not enough

I hate having to permanently re-state everything i've ever restated.

I hate having to permanently reassure.

I hate having faith in others to understand me because of the nature of our relationship, and then realize they don't get it. They don't seem to register the love and care at the first sign of disenfranchisement.

I hate believing that someone else doesn't need to hear re-confirmations of everything.

I hate trusting that someone will understand me without speaking a word, and understand what i feel, and then be proven wrong.

I hate being proven wrong like that. Especially when i expect someone to understand what i feel without me having to say it - i'd already said it a million times. And proven it.

But it's not enough, i guess.

I have to be a walking human jukebox of constant reappraisals and eternal confirmations. Apparently love alone isn't enough to make some worries or thoughts fade into non-existence. Things like jealousy, greed, malevolence.

It's like no matter what i do or say, every time some small thing pops up everything breaks down. Like that's all it needs to crumble, to shake, to vibrate. Fuck that. Like the love and honesty is worth exactly the net value of a tea saucer full of shit. 

If a relationship is like a balancing scale, then the love, and trust, and confidence that the other one wants you and loves you should tip the scales quite severely towards that side. And it would take a whole lot of bad things, and shit, and everything else to even balance out the scales, let alone tip them the other way.

But no. A featherlight comment can tip the whole thing over. 

I don't have to say things. I don't have to say "i'd never do that", or "of course i love you and you alone" or "of course i just want you" when i show it all the time. I shouldn't be forced to keep saying them day-in, day-out without the idea that it's gradually sinking into the one you love. So that when something bothers them, they understand it's not real, and can't be since i - or they, or them - loves them. And those things go without saying.

Or at least should go. But no. And when that fails to happen, it's all symptomatic of a serious clusterfuck.