Hones-Tea

Honesty is a very special brew.

I think in a way it's related to respect. Just like with living, there's a whole lot of approaches you can take with people.

There's always giving. Giving, in its most honest form, is distilled compassion. I'm not talking about giving a hug or spare change or a gift, i'm talking about giving trust, giving into feelings, being as good as you can be.

There are alternatives to this. Safer ones, perhaps, like giving from under a mask, like forced distance, like keeping your head above the other person's. It's sort of like trying to show a police officer, or a friend, or even your dog you're not vexed or impressed, just one increment colder, less vulnerable. This is always done to put you in an advantage, to protect and to cater to your less glamorous needs and drives. But sometimes this backfires. You create this illusion for yourself that a single action or word can reveal it for what it is - just like the emperor's clothes. Only this time, the emperor knows his clothes are an illusion and he's trying to make his subjects buy the whole charade - but when they laugh and walk away, he feels the all too human chill of vulnerability - of failure. One single act where someone else is much stronger than you pretend to be brings your entire castle of cards down.

Tried that approach many times. Everyone of us has. There's always honesty, of course. The unassuming, undemanding, honesty of yourself. You don't have to want anything back, you don't have to do it for any other reason other than being that way.

And of course, this too can backfire. No matter what you are or how yourself you are, they can always make you feel hopeless and betrayed. There's nothing disarming about that of course, you're not carrying any armor or daggers, but it's staggering how they can bite you back as though you've been anything but open and giving.